Life is delicate and short, live it to the MAX!

Hello Dear Single Mommies!
I know I've been absent, it's been a crazy time yet again in my life, Charles my 2,5 year old mischievous sweet baby boy has been having issues with this foot and work has been slow but also cause I've been struggling with my own life situation.
I would love to report something fun, good or happy, but I've been quite down since the passing of my son's 34 year old loving and caring teacher Miss Alex Rodriguez. She came down with bronchitis, something I'm very familiar with having had chronic bronchitis for years, not that being a smoker ever helped, but apparently she got pneumonia and was hospitalized over President's Day Weekend, she then went into cardiac arrest and then a coma and finally was put on life support. I was livid, furious when I learned last week that she had died over the following weekend, the weekend when everyone was stressing about the Oscars and I was thinking the whole time I should stop by the hospital and visit her and see her face again. I mean the time I had visited her a few days after I was informed of her illness, she looked really well and her eyes followed me and she reacted to me coming into the room and the then the mean Filipino nurse Glenda, told my sister whom I dragged along as I knew from firsthand experience that you cannot bring flowers, balloons or children let alone an energetic 2 yr old going thru the terrible twos and threes, into the ER or ICU at any hospital, that: she was getting worse and corrected me by saying she was a" teacher's aide" and not a teacher I HATE hospitals, like I hate massive parking structures, just walking into them is enough to make anyone go insane.
All I can say is that poor Miss Alex was killed and the sad part of it is that even many of her fellow teachers mistreated her and her only family I heard from her co-workers that she confided in and stuff she'd tell me would take advantage of her. She used to take at least 5 buses to get to and from work,  cause she lived in East LA and had to commute to the LAX area.  It just really puts life into perspective when you realize how easy it is to kill someone once they are in the hands of health care professionals and a family that simply cannot be bothered or is quite honestly ignorant about their rights considering the barely spoke English and as much as I tried to give them a crash course instruction in the waiting room it wasn't enough to save Alex's life.
And so she dies, and the funeral comes around, I hate funerals, I've never understood the point of them, and the hypocrisy, like 90% of the people there were out of guilt. Poor Charles thought she was asleep, and I kept telling him yes, yes, Miss Alex is asleep, that's right, she is asleep in a better place and is asleep for ever now..." I mean the person is DEAD, I know the paying of respect thing, but come on, they are dead, do you really think they know now how much you actually care or loved them, they are GONE, Gone with the wind, the dust the sun the air the mysteries of life. Pay them respect in life by helping them, by showing them you care, by giving them even five minutes of your time, by living the moment no matter how stressed-out you are or how busy you are, just give them a tiny piece of your time or simply acknowledge their presence with a smile or hug. That's what Alex was to me and my son, and GOD knows I know how hard it is to find a god teacher, and that you are lucky to have one good one in your lifetime and consider yourself really fortunate if you have that. Alex loved my son as her own, she was their for him when I couldn't even when my dear but also quite reckless girlfriends picked her up, she would always ask Charles, do you know her? what is her name? and Charles wasn't even saying any words then, in order to make sure it was ok to pass him on to them. As a single parent you all know single mommies how hard it is to get a good caregiver and while we all know no one out there can replace you, at the very least you hope you don't leave your son with some physcho or an un- happy woman working insane hours at a job she hates when she has 3 or 4 kids of her own back home that can't even afford to go to the daycare where she works everyday and has 12 kids under her watch at any given time. She also understood my situation with the biological father of my son, as she had married badly and didn't have any kids though I'm sure she wanted them, but he was in Mexico cheating on her left and right, and she once told me, Nadia, it's his loss, el se lo pierde, mira este bebe tan hermoso y bien listo, el se lo pierde!" and it's so true, the only consolation I have at the end of the day is that I have Charles 24/7 and he doesn't and has made that choice, and while it has a whole load of challenges it is the best thing to cuddle up and smell his hair and kiss his perky sweet fresh milk lips at night and say to myself, Thank God I don't have to give some guy a blow job tonite

Miss Alex in purple with Charles to her right, camera left, purple was her favorite color and so were the flowers we sent and the rosary that I gave her that her family placed in her crossed hands while she was placed in her coffin. May she now rest in peace and live happily ever after with the sweet angels just life she was to us.

I'm also going to share a recipe:
"asparagus & squid or tri colore fruti di mare"
I know it sounds weird but it's really good very Mediterranean and also light.
Ingredients:
1lbs or 1/2 lbs of squid/octopus, depending on hoe many people eating, for two I just buy a $3.00 portion of squid at any Mitsuwa, they have great seafood and the portions are more " normal" size.
2 cubes of the frozen garlic and cilantro you get a Trader's Joes
1/2 of asparagus or half of a bundle
1/2 an orange or yellow bell pepper
Instructions:
In a frying pan or wok, pour some olive oil, once it's hot throw in the 2 cubes of garlic and then cilantro, stir it around so it doesn't get burnt, cut up the squid in small pieces and the asparagus as well as the bell pepper and toss in first the squid and then the asparagus and finally for the sweet taste the bell peppers.
You are done! you can serve it with some fresh baguette, but if you are trying to loose weight like myself just have some hot green tea with it.

ENJOY! and remember single mommies you are not alone!!!

More good tips to share.... & Quick & easy recipe

So I wanted to let you know of two great second hand or gently used baby clothing stores that also sell other items such as swings and toys and baby carriers and even books. You can also bring stuff you want to sell and get 30% credit for them, just call and ask first what they are looking for and offering at the time.
Baby Daze is a cute small shop in Santa Monica off 17th Street and Ocean blvd, the owners name is Angela and her Mom is called Kim I believe and is there most of the time helping her out. The other place is called Kidstock and has a bigger selection, not as nice, but still it's a good place to look for things, they are located on Pico Blvd and off Overland, where Flapjacks use to be- I really miss them.
Also sad to report but Chateau Tresor has recently closed, I drove by there about a month ago and then confirmed with the owner of Kidstock that she had to close and is now selling the rest of her stock online. That was a really nice place and they had a place that was gated where you could let your child play while you shopped, I LOVE that feature! Anyway hope that this helps you single moms who live in LA.
I also have a quick recipe:
baked salmon:
Ingredients:
1 fillet of salmon from your local grocery store preferably fresh
1. small bag of peeled cloves of garlic from Trader Joes'
1 or 2 table spoons of oregano

Preheat oven 350degrees for a few mins and then put the filler of fish with the garlic cloves stuck on it and sprinkle the oregano over the top, let bake for about 15 or 20 mins and you can add sea salt if you want, but it's just as tasty without it. Serve with a bowl of brown rice from Cosco that you heat in microwave for 90seconds or with a simple fresh spinach salad with artichoke hearts and dried cranberries and toasted pine nuts mixed with goat cheese crumbles.
ENJOY!!! and don't forget to get your sleep single Mommies!

The scary word: DEPRESSION, let's face it and not deny it.

Dear Single Mommies:


I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and did not let the family stress you out too much or all the holiday preparations and expectations leave you like a flat tire by the side of the road, cause I know how that feels. Mainly, let's take this time of the year to start cleaning out the bad past and getting rid of those comfy issues and things/clutter in our life and move beyond them, some of which could have led us to becoming single parents, no judgement there, just bare with me hear I'm doing some self analysis that might prove to be beneficial or at least amusing at the very least.
I always dreaded Christmas and New Year's I did look forward to what outfit I would wear and how drunk I would get, but now after having Charles, I look forward to it more than ever, and I go all out to make it as special and magical as I possible can for him and to watch him enjoy it and marvel over all the Christmas lights and decoration and houses that look so pretty in the starry night gives me so much joy.  However, I have battled with depression since I was about 10 years old, when I left a note on my Dad's study floor saying that I was going to jump off the top balcony of the Municipal Hall in the small town where we lived in Spain. And this entry or chapter of my blog is dedicated to all those women who also happen to be single moms who are perhaps experiencing depression for the first time after becoming a mom for the first time or have fought it on and off like a bad rash that just flares up when you least expect it and you are embarrassed to share it even with your Doctor or to talk about it with your own Mom or best friend out of fear that they will call you crazy and make you check into Bellevue Hospital or some 1920's psychiatric ward. This is to let you know that I'm going through it again now and with a two year son who demands so much attention and energy and play time it's even more scary to admit that it has come back to haunt me, and I'm trying my best to stay above water and not drown in the deep silent darkness. It's times like this when I want to hide from the world and just sleep, sleep and hope that the whole world and my life disappears for a while and hope that when I wake up everything will be fine again and under control and I would have found an answer to all my problems and issues and things bothering me and shortcomings in myself and in others that I cannot change. Whatever you do please do not let a few innocent glasses of red wine turn into a whole bottle of tequila or Absolut vodka followed by two packs of cigarettes, it's not worth it,  you cannot self-medicate, it does not work, I've tried it and know many people who have and still try to and it simply does not work. Find someone who can really help and provide you with the support you need both mentally and physically, because the mental does affect the physical and a Doctor who knows what he/she is doing and better explain to you why.
HELP IS ON IT'S WAY:
In spite of so many ridiculous budget cuts,  and 800 #s that give info that is outdated or doesn't work for you, please do not give up after the first or even third phone call, think about your child's life and then think about your child's life without you and then think about all those places where you haven't been and always wanted to see before you die and things that you wanted to do but couldn't afford to, think about Billionaire Trump knocking on your door saying that he has a big check for you and a handsome man who is prepared to give you the best massage of your life including a HAPPY ENDING, if you know what I mean.   Please dear Single Moms there are many places that you can turn to at least in Los Angeles,  I mean afterall we are responsible for the suicides of so many wonderful artists such as Marilyn Monroe and Brittany Murphy just to mention two of thousands let alone all the"rejected nobodies" that Hollywood spat on. I know what you are saying what if I don't have MEdical or any insurance and it's true most want to see your health insurance card before you slit your wrists or know what your income was this month before you swallow another sleeping pill. The point being is that get the help you need, even if you don't think it is that bad, the last thing you want to do is hurt yourself again or your child for the first time and make it be a lifelong lasting wound. Also study your illness it might not just be depression, it could be severe suicidal depression and or a mixture of that plus bi-polar disorder, so you never know until you get professional help and even then the help might not be what you expected but just like you have to be patient with your baby, be patient with them while they find the right medication and treatment to help you, but also don't let them take advantage of you either educate yourself on the drugs they prescribe and consider the side effects and how addicting some of these medications are, but know that if it improves your ability to function that day, you might consider it for a while so you can have a somewhat functional life not necessarily perfect, but somewhat normal.
And if you are feeling suicidal here are a few points you should follow: and remember feeling suicidal is temporary, suicide is permanent, so do your best to keep those thoughts out of your mind or get help immediately. And just take everyday at a time, I know it's hard, but just put one step in front of the next, and don't be ashamed I mean most of this city we live in has some kind of disorder and don't get me started on NYC...

Discover how DBSA has impacted the lives of individuals living with mood disorders.   Share18 Coping with a Crisis If you need immediate help or if you are having thoughts of death or suicide, call1-800-273-TALK or if you need immediate assistance call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room. What if I am feeling suicidal? Remember: Suicidal thoughts are temporary. Suicide is permanent.  Don’t give in to suicidal thoughts— you can overcome them. Your feelings of hopelessness are not the truth. When you feel this way, it’s your illness talking— your mind is lying to you. Remind yourself that suicidal thoughts are not reality. If you are thinking of suicide, it is important to recognize these thoughts for what they are: expressions of a treatable medical illness. They are not true and they are not your fault. Don’t let fear, shame or embarrassment stand in the way of communication with your physician, therapist, family, or friends; tell someone right away. Tell a trusted family member, friend, or other support person, someone you can talk with honestly. Try not to be alone when you feel this way. This may mean sitting quietly with a family member or friend, going to a support group or going to a hospital. Get help. Tell your health care professional. Suicidal thinking can be treated. When suicidal thoughts occur, they are your signal that, more than ever, you need help from a professional. Know that you can get through this. Promise yourself you will hold on for another day, hour, minute, or whatever you can manage. If you are feeling "out of control", it's important to seek help immediately---even if you are not having suicidal thoughts. How can I be prepared for a crisis? Often, crises happen without warning, and the best thing you can do to prepare yourself is to make a crisis-plan list for yourself, a friend, or a family member. This list should be shared with everyone you choose. Briefly describe the kind of help you (or your loved one) would like to receive if you have severe depressive or manic symptoms. Include: Doctor(s)’ name(s) and contact information Contact information of support group and other trusted friends/family members Other health problems and medications Allergies to/intolerance of any medication Insurance or Medicaid information and preferred treatment facilities Things that might trigger an episode, such as life events, travel, physical illness or work stress Warning signs such as talking very fast, paranoia, lack of sleep, slowed down movement, excessive alcohol or drug use Things people can say that are calming and reassuring Things people should do in crisis such as take away car keys and lock up anything dangerous such as weapons and medications Things emergency staff can do, such as explain things, talk slowly, observe personal space, or write things Reasons life is worthwhile and recovery is important How should I talk to a person in crisis? Stay calm. Talk slowly and use reassuring tones. Realize you may have trouble communicating with your loved one. Ask simple questions. Repeat them if necessary, using the same words each time. Don’t take your loved one’s actions or hurtful words personally. Say, “I’m here. I care. I want to help. How can I help you?” Don’t say, “Snap out of it,” “Get over it,” or “Stop acting crazy.” Don’t handle the crisis alone. Call family, friends, neighbors, people from your place of worship or people from a local support group to help you. Don’t threaten to call 911 unless you intend to. When you call 911, police and/or an ambulance are likely to come to your house. This may make your loved one more upset, so use 911 only when you or someone else is in immediate danger. Hotline information Suicide prevention information Find a mental health professional or treatment center Learn about creating an advance directive  page created: May 10, 2006  page updated: July 12, 2010 Username Password Register Now >> Benefits of Registering >> Your gift may save a life.
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I'm back for REAL!

So I just got back from Mexico a few weeks ago, and have been fortunate enough to have a steady flow of work, this is truly a BLESSING, though I had been a little out of practice, I have to say I don't miss the stress of producing and the insane hours and lack of compassion for people who have kids.
So how do you handle when the mother of your godchildren returns your bday gift for your godchild? I mean I had finally gotten my hopes up that I had a received a package from my former BFF, when it turns out the package that my father had described so well, and undoubtedly a care package for my son, was in fact the returned b-day gift of my godchild Eliza, with nothing but innocent little Hello Kitty items such as pens, pencils and notebooks a few little candies, but definitely no trainer bra like I sent last year, nor any flavored condoms, I mean give me a break! Get over your issues and let your poor little 9 year daughter enjoy a small gift that cost me some money I could use on my son's diapers and MCD's french fries.
Well ladies, what I've learned from the last few weeks is that don't be the bigger person you just waste your moeny and expose yourself to being hurt. The father of my son now wants to take me to court, and has repeatedly been calling me drunk threatening to take me to court and get custody of my son, unless I drop the Child Support case that is doing nothing anyway, as it has been over two years now and I still haven't received one cent from him. Again, another example of who ridiculous parents can be and how incredibly selfish, why spend $5,000 on retaining a Family Attorney when you could just payoff the $2,000 you owe in child support which is $200 a month- toilet paper money- nonetheless a sum that I could use on another day of daycare.
The good news is that my son is going to be turning TWO this Wednesday, and while I have been really busy with work, I feel that this year I will get it right and not spend a bunch of money of stupid people who don't show-up and all the Angelino flaks. I have decided to do something small and have it outdoors since my son can now say "outside" and he says it so cute! I mean it's as if he were speaking Swedish. So he will get a chance to hopefully play with strangers kids in case the parents who are supposedly friends decide not to come and thus Charles has no one to play with. My dear loyal friend Laura, Charles now adopted GODMOTHER, has offered to bring a cake and some booze for the BIG babies- us tired single dreary-eyed parents, and will be making five goodie bags.  Also Laura's Mom, Carol and her husband Julian were the first ones to send Charles a bday gift as usual it wasn't my immediate family, though my father did get him a cute bday card the day we got back from Mexico. And guess what Carol & Julian gave baby Charles a Diego, Diego T-shirt!!! With lots of animals on it, just what Charles loves, animals. So I have to tell you about this poor little "mini rabbit" that I bought Charles a few days before we took off to Mexico. I have this guilt gift thing I do before I have to go on a business trip where I buy him something to make up for me not being with him 24/7. Anyway, I went downtown to pick-up my clients' Cartier perfume since she wanted 3 bottles and even suggested I go to downtown LA and by the really good knock-offs, anyway, just as I'm parking my car I see a little 7 year old boy selling tiny rabbits in these cute little white cages, he was sooo young though and yet the perfect self-assured business man. I asked him at first what it was, as I thought it was a rabbit but they were so petite that I confused it with a little jamster of guinea pig, since Charles loves to play with Laura's friends' at her house. Anyway, I got him the cutest one, she was white and had a bunch of light brown spots on her back, we named her Caramel., Charles LOVED HER, he went wild when he saw her and wouldn't let me keep her in her cage, he was so full of JOY and LOVE for her, he was just exploding with affection. Anyway, I of course told my Dad and when he saw her, he said, I give her 24hrs, and I just kept ignoring his negative Aries I know it all and I'm so right attitude, and in the same breathe he said he would not take care of both Estrella and the rabbit while I was gone in Mexico, as if there were a big difference....
Long story short, I went to the bathroom the following morning and left her out of her cage because Charles was really having a shit fit every time I put her away, and I hesitated because I had been supervising him while he played with her on the floor as he would squeeze her like a toy or matchbox car and would push her along the floor as if she were a toy car, so I had to stop him every second. But this time I couldn't hold my pee, and with my kidney that has a malfunction I had to go, and as I came out of the bathroom I heard Charles start to cry and the squeals of joy and changes into tears, I ran into the dining room almost not wanting to see what happened and fearing something had happened, but nothing like what I saw- blood splattered all over the floor and on his hands and knees and clothes, I couldn't believe it I was in shock and wanted to cry, scream and hide. The look on the poor rabbits eyes yelled: " See, see what you've done, YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!" I didn't know what to clean-up first, so I took Charles away and left the dead rabbit on the floor and washed him up and then put a movie on while I cleaned-up the rest and all along I said my father was right, he was right. I put her in a Target bag  that I filled with newspaper and other wrapping I was so afraid someone would find out I had accidentally killed a rabbit or worse my barely two year-old had.  I did think about getting him s turtle, but I know how messy they are... but this was more than I had expected. I felt horrible for the rest of the day and poor Charles didn't understand what he had done and that the rabbit was gone.

I'm back!

I know, I've been an absentee blogger, I apologize, but work has been overwhelming and I've actually started smoking again, it helps with my nerves... plus in addition to working with eight production companies now I'm also producing a job that shoots in Mexico in late August, so my delicious baby Charles will be joining me for that one and this will be his second time traveling in Mexico. The first time I took him he was just about 3 months old and you should see his passport picture, he couldn't even sit-up yet on his own, but he looked sooo CUTE and very serious....
Anyway, to all you single moms, there is hope, you can and will eventually read a book from the beginning to the end. I just read Charles Bukowski's "Women" and I loved it! It was a great relief and escape and I almost didn't want it to finish, but all good things come to an end. I have to say that he paints the best picture of LA that I've read so far, and things haven't changed much since then that is to say on the inside and in what matters, of course John Fante is also an amazing writer and Ask the Dust comes very close to Women if not better becuase of the tragic love story. But this post/chapter is not about reviewing books, though I'd love to start including that in my Zakuski bit, but I doubt I'll have enough time now, no this is about a great article that I want to share with all you wonderful single moms who don't have time to read and believe me I know you don't, but this one is a short article that I think all parents should read and face the truth. My father bought the actual July edition of the New York magazine and gave it to me over the weekend and as I drink a large cafe latte I felt so much better about all those feelings that you have as a parent, especially single parent when you really loose your patience and temper and never voice those thoughts our of fear and being misunderstood, but mainly paranoia.
Check it out:
http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/#%7B


Another reason why I've been gone is that the wife of the biological father of my son threatened to put a restraining order on me for picking-up my son one day after seeing his dad after months of no contact and him simply not showing up, so finally I decided to drive over to the other city where he lives since he's unable to take to buses that cost $1.35 and even after giving him busfare he still complained I decided to just shuttle him over. When picking him I wanted to talk amicably about establishing two days a week for his dad to spend time with him, and his wife who supposedly is separated from him just lashed-out. So word of advice single moms, don't take these matters lightly, protect yourself and know the law and your rights. Also have a good Family Attorney available or at least know one, cause Legal Aid in California does not handle, to my shock, Child Support cases, and a friend of a friend was recently arrested and sent to jail for something she didn't even do and her 8 year old son whom she had full custody of was taken away from her by Child Protection Services and sent to he ex-husband who also hasn't paid her a cent in over 8 years. So it's no joke and in the USA especially they take extreme measures even when it is not called for. Her parents bailed her out and paid $50,000 in retainer to the lawyer who handle Robert DowneyJr's case, so you can imagine and since most of you are on a budget this is something to consider. Unfortunately, people and parents often act out on their hurt feelings and forget about the children involved which is really what should be considered in these situations.
My son loves his father and while I think he doesn't deserve the amazing sweet and adorable son that he has with me, I will never talk badly about him, no matter how mad or difficult things are at that time, what I will say is that we all have to unite and fight this crappy system, cause there are too many children out there who do not get the proper care, food, clothes and shelter they need because so many parents refuse to pay child support and get away with it. I have had to provide all the information for my son's case and it's been over two years since I filed a claim and they still can't do anything, and just recently a request to proceed with criminal review was declined by a judge and the attorney for Child Support Services even told be before she submitted the case that it would be rejected, so what hope and faith can you have in this system? I say, educate yourself and do it on your own, and advocate to change a rotten system that clearly does NOT work.
On a brighter note, my dear son, is not only running but sprinting now, I bought him a pair of fake Crocs at CVS for $5.99 and he LOVES THEM, they are wonderful for pool day at the daycare as they immediately dry-off and he is so into shoes, so he also knows how to say shoes, fish, ball, estrella- his dog's name and thank you, and only I understand the last one...
The other good resource that I wanted to share with you is the Baby Sitters exchange, I haven't tried it yet, but read about it in the New York magazine, here is the website:
www.babysitterexchange.com
I look forward to hearing comments from those who do, so far it is very popular in NY and affordable. I'm bleeding money to my son's daycare that just raised their tuition costs and had waited two years to do so apparently since the economic crisis.
Lastly, cause I'm beat, and in addition to producing this job it also involves commuting for an hour and a half each way when there is barely any traffic, I wanted to tell you single moms to be grateful for what you got. I learned today that a friend lost her baby at 9 months, this is the fourth woman I know who has lost her baby at the very end of their pregnancy and it is so sad for me to hear this, I really feel their pain and I can only imagine what a lost that must be, so no matter how upset or tired you are from dealing with your little bundle of joy, please remember that they are precious and life is fragile. 

Good night and Good Luck!