Chapter 20: When you loose YOUR VOICE- Yes YOU, very vocal women

CHAPTER: 20

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR 15month baby when you have NO VOICE,

Yup! Just when you though things could not get any worse and you really thought you were over the most challenging aspect of being a single working Mom, WRONG! How about one day you wake-up and you have no voice, ya that’s right, you get-up still half comatose and go to pick-up your beautiful baby and wish him a GOOD MORNING MY LOVE! And there is nothing, ya not even a drop of sound, what do you do? Well forget gargling and doing chamomile teas with lemon and honey, the only thing you can really do, is JUST REST. And if some of you have been unable to pay their gas bill, or the furnace from the 1940’s is damaged yet again and now you are being told my the gas company that you need to replace the piping before he can LEGALLY turn it back on and that involves moving your water heater tank that sits right behind the furnace, which you don’t even want to breathe on after having it break-down and explode twice and ruin not only your entire floor plan of hardwood custom made parquet floors but also most of your adjoining neighbor’s bedroom hardwood floors, and in order to do that you would have to invest in a tank less water heater that you wanted to buy over eight years ago when you had the first flood and couldn’t believe how backwards American technology and engineering was or better said how inefficient and extremely not environmentally unfriendly, but at the time you could not afford the overpriced one of two tank less water heaters on the market, and now with a baby, drowning in debt, and with your condo in foreclosure and your Hybrid Honda repossessed, you want to just kick the shit out of a punching bag and then fall-down into a nice comfy soft bed and cover your head to cry-out so loud that you can be heard up in Sacramento. So yes, getting back to my point, if you happen to have invested in one of those energy efficient electric space heaters that blows hot air, be forewarned that they apparently can cause laryngitis, that is if you don’t have a vaporizer going at the same time that does not ruin your hardwood floors no matter how many towels and bathroom floor mats you put down, you also want to be aware that it can also cause pneumonia long-term, so whether or not this is true, all I can say is that in analyzing how I got this infection in my throat that I felt a few days before but still had a voice, I realized that I did not come into contact with anyone that had laryngitis and I definitely did not share a glass or water bottle with anyone and I definitely did not kiss anyone and stick my tongue down their throat by which I could have directly gotten it. So I concluded along with some witch doctors out there that I trust that the heater cause most of it. Needless to say that my sister Tanya who also got a heater like mine at Bed Bath and Beyond, she too had been getting chronic bronchitis and for someone who normally never gets bronchitis unlike my self who smoked heavily until I got pregnant and since I was thirteen, she definitely got it from sleeping with the heater all night long and kissing a sick boyfriend the first time. But good for those family members who are not available to help, because they are too busy working, sleeping, then take a whole day to do bills??? And then of course fucking, which they always deny, but DO HAVE all the time to pass on the flu, bronchitis and then blame you for giving them diarrhea, when they haven’t even come like 10 feet away from a nasty dirty poopy runny diarrhea dirty diaper by which they could possibly get the stomach virus once they stupidly decided not to wash their hands and then someone suck on their fingers and then inhale the pooped stuck in between their fingernails thus resulting in eventual diarrhea, NOT! I don’t think so, let’s be honest here, the diarrhea my sister said we gave her after spending a few hours with us over dinner and a movie and not once changing my son’s diaper who at the time no longer had diarrhea and I was at the tail end of my own, no, she got it from drinking some weird Cali Dieters tea she bought, or sorry, not true, had her black boyfriend buy her at the 99cents store and that she claims made her stomach go down and loose like another 5 pounds in a few days… I mean come-on!!

The only good thing that will come out of you having no voice around an almost 16 month old baby BOY, is that he too will start to learn how to communicate without Screaming at the top of his lungs like most babies at his age or like his cousin baby Geovanni does all the time, it seriously sounds like a pimp is murdering his bitch right in front of you every time Geovanni screams for no reason at all. Ya, I know you are thinking she- a Sarah Lawrence College Graduate totally misspelled Geovanni, no, that is actually who how his 22 year-old mother decided to name him who didn’t go to college but owns a four-room and God knows how many bathroom Mansion in Cape Coral, oh! Did I mention it has a pool? And that my brother has now a few more bleeding ulcers to add to the ones he still has leftover from when dating her, in order to pay the damn mortgage on such a place, cause she works in a dentist office…

Anyway, the other advice I have is GINGER, yes!! I know most people hate ginger, it’s too strong, it’s too spicy and when you look at it raw in the supermarket it looks like what the hazard bin must look like at a free clinic where they go to remove all those nasty warts and growths and STD’s and molescum weird shit people get from having sex and doing the nasty…

So, a quick recipe I will share with you that I did and helped me get my voice back in a few days even though I got antibiotics:

-2-3 pounds of fillet of sole or snapper

-two bushels of cilantro

-three lemons-juicy

-2-3 big pieces of raw ginger

-a small bag of potatoes

-a bigger bag of sweet potatoes or yams

-granulated onion

-garlic salt

-sea salt

-black pepper

-grater

-one big pot with cover

-1 cup of brown rice

-4-5 roma plum tomatoes

Get a big pot and fill-it about ¾ of the way with water and then chop up the potatoes and sweet potatoes, and pour in the cup of brown rice once the water starts to boil. Then add the fillets of sole fish or snapper whatever you have available, then put a ton of grated fresh ginger and chop-up the tomatoes throw those in as well. Add the granulated salt as well as black pepper and garlic salt, then chop-up your cilantro, put some lemon juice and let it boil for about 20 minutes.  Sorry I don't  measure things, I just got a measuring cup recently from my friend Laura who left it behind after making Thanksgiving dinner, so  just use your better judgment it always works -out that way, at least for me, but then again I’ve been told to be a pretty good cook, still don't know how...