Chapter 12: When your BFF turns-out to be your BSF

CHAPTER: 12   Best Friend Forever = B.S. Friend

Charles BEFORE in blue hat with little lamb having eaten his homemade spinach puree on the cross-country flight- was the second long distance trip in his life.

( 3 days later)

Charles AFTER with red runny eyes and nose and looking dazed and confused, ear infection, cough & cold, bad allergies and fever.

WHEN YOUR BEST FRIEND WHO PRETENDS HER MARRIAGE IS PERFECT WHO IS ALSO THE GODMOTHER OF YOUR CHILD, decides to ignore you. It all started with her allowing her estranged husband to perform a "cleansing" on my son, while she cared for him for a couple of days while I was working, instead of telling me, hey hop in a cab your son just caught the nasty chronic cold my son has from driving with the cars windows down in the middle of winter, and is running a fever.  My poor baby had caught a cold and got an ear infection and could barely breathe due to the dog hairs all over the house- I mean everywhere when I picked him up. You literally should have seen the before and after pictures.So you have been there for this crazy hypocritical b____all her life you’ve even paid for at least one of her abortions, and tons of Prozac when in college and she decides to turn her back on you because she does not want to show that her marriage is falling apart and not only that that she is also a victim of domestic violence and that her daughter is now exposed to that as well. All I have to say is for some reason when you become a Mom and have been considered the single crazy always available best friend and godmother bankroller for her kids do not expect the same in return when you become a first-time mom and a SINGLE Mom. They will find any excuse to back out of their end of the bargain.  Because people only look out for themselves at the end of the day, and that is just how life is. They will pick a fight for nothing and return a Mother’s Day card even asking you to apologize to her girlfriend from high school that you somehow offended by saying that she was crazy or a religious freak. I mean please, give me a break, no that is just mother hen looking out for hers and making sure none of the hard-earned money that her poor Mexican Chef husband who literally slaves over the stove at some second class steakhouse in Weehawken NJ, does not spend any money on your child. That is her way of taking, taking and taking and now not giving back cause you acted like an “angry crazy out of control person” well of course cause you are thinking about all the monies you spent thousands of dollars buying shit, toys, clothes, everything new for her kids when you buy second hand stuff from Goodwill for your own son, because you spent all your money on her kids thinking that you were never going to have any of your own. That’s right now that she has skillfully drained all your bank accounts and manipulated you through guilt she will claim disability and I just cut off literally sever all and any communication-relationship, YUP conveniently so that she will not have to correspond nor compare herself as a mother to you as a first time Mom who not only juggles her full-time job but also her son’s schedule as a single working parent, and not just any type of job in the wacked-out film/advertising business.

So my advice is STOP sending her kids gifts, even if the religious guilt pops up, just SAVE Your money it will be years until if ever that friend asks for forgiveness and comes around to telling you how much they miss you now that the kids are away and have gone off to college and low and behold her husband has left her for another MAN or a goat… for the record I apologized like a ZILLION times, but she refuses to accept and move on, so there is nothing more I can do or say that will make a difference.

I think there is nothing more sad than watching a marriage fall apart that you have been instrumental in keeping together, that puts up the “Please excuse our appearance as we undergo remodeling” as we undergo DENIAL and Refuse to go to therapy and get the help we need to make sure our kids don’t end up as fucked-up as we are, all because of money. It’s really pathetic what mainly women, people, will do for money and out of fear of being put out when they have kids and haven’t been working for a few years. Even when they voluntarily give it up they still make it seem like they had to because of the kids. All I know is that my Mom had five kids and some how she managed all by herself pretty much and always had something going on career-wise whether it was a ballet school or working as a freelance reporter, you have to have those boundaries too, if not, you are only doing a disservice to your children. I’m not saying it is easy, but you cannot hide behind your children.

NO matter what you do, don’t critize someone else’s kids if you still want to be friends, they will forever HATE You for it, they will ban you from the playground, they will brand the word LOSER on your forehead, they will refrain from voting you President of the PTA, they will sabotage your brownies that you made for the school fundraiser, they will make your life hell, so even if you want to squash  some parent’s kid who has ADD and is tearing up your place, just tell them that you have to go and get the FLU shot and they will leave in a heart beat with out you having to tell off her out of control kid.

For the record I was very grateful that I had a "friend" I could leave my son with for a few days-3, but keep in mind that if the person cannot handle the task and refuses to admit it and get help cause she has a 9 yr and 4yr old who is so spoiled he can't even do anything for himself, then do not leave your baby in that kind of household. Especially as a single mom, your child being sick means you need to take time off to take care of him and make sure he gets better and you will basically be unable to work until you son has recuperated and it will take at least two-three weeks to fully recuperate, at least my son does. I mean after all the times, hours, added-up to days, weeks added up to years I spent looking after her kids, my godchildren whom I love dearly especially Eliza, the least I could expect considering we live across the country from each other, was a few days for me to work or at least try to get some jobs coming in. But I was met with  disapproval for being a full-time working Mom and I even had her tell me that I should consider adoption. This last statement from her I probably will never forget and forgive is also a tall order, as that really HURT and totally led me to believe she was on medication as she didn't recall saying that, when I had a room full of people overhear it when I was at an editorial- normally a QUIET place- trying to impress some producers with the work of our company and their directors...

Remember, there is always a price to pay with family and friends, sometimes it's best to invest a little in a professional nanny that you have already checked-out and tested with your son, you being present and then without you, but never for a business trip for the first time alone with nanny- that is too rough of an adjustment.

Bottom line is I blame myself and not having had the resources to do the right thing for my baby Charles, but you have to make the best out of it, and I know my BFF recently turned BSF was doing in her mind the best possible job and has never had anyone question her, not even her own mother may she RIP as she died of breast cancer shortly after my friend gave birth to her first child. Regardless, part of being an adult and definitely a parent I find now more than ever is accepting our limitations and being O.K. with out and not caring if others judge us.